Valuable
by Natmonkey
Summary: Picking up where "Indulgence" left off, Joker is dealing with some issues. The only thing that can solve them, is a good, long, hard... talk with Shepard.


_Eternal gratitude to Draguna for helping me fix EDI's lines._

* * *

**Valuable**

_The countless times you've saved my ass..._ Those words just keep ringing in his head. What Shepard had told him before she blew his... uh, mind. True, he is an excellent pilot – pshah, understatement of the century – and he has gotten the old Normandy and his Commander out of a few scrapes, but what of the time she personally rescued his brittle butt? Joker closes his eyes as the events of that fateful day, give or take two years ago, whirl through his mind.

_Fire everywhere. The suffocating smell of thick smoke. He is desperately broadcasting maydays, receiving no answer at all. The Normandy is pretty much blown to bits and yet he is still convinced he can save her. Suddenly, Shepard is standing beside him, yelling that they need to get right the fuck out, _now_. Of course he refuses, but Shepard isn't one to take "no" for an answer. She forcefully drags him from the helm; he complains about how she's hurting his arm. Finally the Commander shoves him into an escape pod. For her, there is no escape. He remembers screaming her name the moment the blast separates them, tearing the Normandy in half. Sending Shepard tumbling into the void. _

After the initial blissful daze from the Commander's treatment, his thoughts quickly returned to her death. It was hell without her. No ship to pilot, nobody to laugh at his poor jokes. The crew fell apart. And then of course there is the guilt; Shepard died saving him. It's all his fault. If he hadn't been such a stubborn ass and just evacuated with the others, there would have been no problem. The guilt stayed away, as long as he was stoked to see Shepard alive again. And now it's back, with a vengeance. Joker lets out a long sigh, rubbing his temples. EDI seems to keep quiet on purpose. The AI must have noticed his pensive moods and his lack of response to its provoking remarks. Good. The silence helps him think. Maybe he should talk to Yeoman Chambers; she is a psychologist, after all. Then again, does he really want anyone else to know what he's struggling with? Not really.

He is going to talk this over with Shepard, he promises himself, before he goes nuts or crashes the new Normandy into something. No matter how uncomfortable it might be. In fact, he is going to march – or rather, hobble –to her private quarters right now and wait for her there. She spends so much time in her room, it will be impossible for him to miss her. For as far as Joker knows, she is currently on a mission with that Japanese girl, her latest acquisition. His mind is so occupied with what he would like to tell Shepard that he doesn't even notice some of the other crewmembers greeting him on the way. Even the inquisitive look Chambers sends his way, he is completely oblivious to.

This ship rocks so hard. She's twice the size of the original Normandy, at least twice as comfortable and the elevator is quicker than greased lightning. It takes all of three seconds to get to Shepard's room. The door controls turn red when he touches them. "Mr. Moreau," EDI drones. "Access to Shepard's private quarters is restricted."

"Let me in." Resisting the urge to pound his fists on the door like an angry kid, Joker folds his arms before his chest instead. "I need to talk to Shepard. You know she's avoiding me."

"Yes, Mr. Moreau, I know. Your body language indicates an increasing level of agitation." The door slides open. "If a discussion with Shepard is necessary for your optimal performance, I will allow you to wait in her quarters."

He steps inside before EDI can change her mind, or judgment, or whatever. The glass tank with a little wooden house in it, positioned on a shelf at eye-level, immediately catches his attention. Upon an inquisitive tap, a twitching nose and whiskers peep out of the house, followed by the rest of a brown and white space hamster. It presses its little paws against the glass, staring at the visitor with intelligent black eyes. "Squeak!" The fuzzy creature swiftly disappears into its house.

Joker shakes his head. He can almost swear that the hamster didn't make a squeaking noise, but _said_ "squeak". The guilt is really messing with his brain. But seeing the amazing aquarium, the curious little rodent is immediately forgotten. The fish are beautiful. They are leisurely swimming around, all color and grace. Their slow movements leave him remarkably calmer. The next few minutes, he drools over Shepard's collection of ship models. There have to be at least a dozen of them. The Destiny Ascension, Sovereign... The Commander's been busily collecting them all.

And here is yet another interesting thing. A magazine on her table catches his eye. A hanar is sprawled out on the cover, the word _Fornax_ printed above it in bright orange letters. The pilot makes a face. _What kind of magazine is this?_ The asari pin-up a few pages in answers that question. It's only half an inch away from being unadulterated pornography. Now that the picture is right in front of him anyway, he might as well take a good, long look.

It's not just his eyes being stimulated by the sight of the pin-up though; he feels smooth skin under his fingertips, smells a feminine perfume. His heart rate picks up as the taste of salt creeps into his mouth, like fresh sweat licked from a woman's skin. Seductive laughter tickles his ear. Joker looks at the dirty mag with newfound awe. He is _so_ going to buy one of these for himself. Meanwhile, the all too stimulating _Fornax_ experience has left him panting, sweating and ready to jump anything that happens to come in. Imagining his Commander in the asari's place does nothing to help. Warily he lays the magazine back on the table.

_Great_. A cold shower before trying to speak with Shepard would be a good idea. A very, very cold shower. Grumbling under his breath, Joker returns to the door. On the way, however, a part of the wall behind Shepard's desk slides away and reveals the bathroom he didn't even know was there. The less he has to walk, the better, of course. When he makes to go in, EDI disagrees: "Mr. Moreau, the unauthorized usage of the Commander's facilities is unhygienic and a breach of protocols. I suggest you use the men's restroom on Deck Three." The door shuts and stays firmly shut.

"You remember the last time she came to see me, right?" The thought of the event sends a pleasant chill down his spine. "She won't mind me using her bathroom, if she doesn't mind _that_."

"Very well, Mr. Moreau." The AI unlocks the bathroom door. "However, any repercussions will be your own responsibility."

Joker shrugs. "Yeah, yeah." The tile floor is soon strewn with the various parts of his uniform. Other than that, the place is pretty empty. The sink isn't riddled with girly products, there is no decoration on the wall. Just a single bottle of all-purpose hair and body wash on the shower platform. Morosely the pilot stares into his reflection in the mirror. _Why me?_ Couldn't she just have turned her attention to Jacob, or _anyone_ else? Not that he isn't flattered and not that it wasn't amazing, it's just... Ugh. Complicating, is what it is.

Without further ado he switches on the shower. The icy drops of the coldest setting only hammer down on him for about half a minute, before he decides that dying of hypothermia in her bathroom will really piss Shepard off to no end. The feel of warmer water makes him sigh in relief. Suddenly a gust of cooler air comes drifting in. It is soon followed by an appreciative whistle.

Joker turns, only half aware of his nudity; whatever excuse he was going to come up with, instantly dies on his lips. Shepard is leaning against the doorjamb, practically eating him up with her eyes. This isn't even the most mind-blowing part. That would be the short black dress that is hugging her curves and displaying a very fine set of breasts. Something about her seems different. "Mmm..." Her gaze travels the length of his body without any shame. "Love what you're wearing."

"Uh... Uh..." Seeing how he can't have anything she has never seen before, the pilot doesn't even bother to cover up. All he does is turn off the water. "You too." When he finally dares to fix his eyes on her face, he realizes what exactly is different about her. "Your scars are gone."

Shepard nods. "I had the surgery done specially for this mission. The full cybernetic look isn't really suitable for covert ops." Slowly she approaches, high heels clicking on the tiles. "So, is there something you need?" The tone of her voice and the look in her eyes suggest that there is definitely something that she needs from him. "Something that involves you tearing this dress off me, maybe?"

"No." Not that the thought hasn't sent half of his blood supply south. "Commander, why did you save me? Couldn't you have just saved yourself, left me to die?"

His words stop her dead in her tracks. "What?" Shepard opens her mouth, then closes it again. For a while she only stares at him, chewing her lower lip. "You're a valuable member of my crew, Joker. I couldn't just leave you behind," she finally says softly. "Actually, that's not all of it. You're also valuable to me personally."

"What do you mean?" _Personally? What?_ The implication of that doesn't want to sink into his brain.

The woman chuckles. "Really? You're going to make me say it out loud? Very well." Having stepped out of her shoes, she closes the distance between them, until she is so close that her guest can feel the warmth coming off her body. "It means, that I fell for you the first time you cracked a bad joke." She smirks up at him, lust in her expression. "There were times I had to restrain myself from jumping into your lap and fucking your brains out." Her arms loosely drape around his shoulders. "Would now be a good time for that?"

There really is only one appropriate response. Mouths fuse together, hot and hungry. Tongues twist and twine, hands grope eagerly. Shepard's elbow bumps into the shower controls; warm water washes over them, but neither of them can be bothered enough to turn it off. Joker pushes his Commander against the wall and yanks her skirt up so impatiently, it rips. Her panties are torn to shreds. Without ceremony of any kind, he slides his almost painfully hard cock into her. She is very wet already.

Shepard moans into his mouth, her nails digging into his shoulders. Her left leg hooks around his hip, allowing for an even better angle. His pumping motions are fierce and rough; they bring about a sucking sound every time he is fully buried inside of her. And to think that two years ago this would not have been possible. Thanks to the good folks at Cerberus, he can now bang his commanding officer without breaking a bone. Joker quietly resolves to send the Illusive Man a thank-you note.

Gasping for air, the two break their kiss. As if the contractions of her warm, wet pussy weren't enough, Shepard adds to the challenge by loudly and colorfully praising his endeavors. It's nothing short of a miracle that he hasn't blown his load yet. He can't be too far away, but he intends to make this last as long as possible. Very difficult though, with the way she is tightening and heating up inside. Her cries grow louder and louder. Her voice has become hoarse from all her moaning. "Oh, _fuck_... You're making me come!" she wails.

Joker doesn't really know how this is possible without any clitoral stimulation; not one to look a gift orgasm in the mouth though, he picks up his pace. Thrusts into her with all his might. Her cunt is searing hot and dripping wet. Mere moments later, Shepard screams and gushes hot liquid all over him. The rapid pulsing of her channel is too much for him to bear. He has no choice but to follow her over the edge. This time it's even better than before. He keeps on coming, and coming, and coming, until his mind is fuzzy and his legs have turned to goo. "God, Shepard..."

"Mmm, more like God, Joker," she replies lazily. "You fuck even better than you fly." Humming contently, she rests her head against his shoulder.

"Thanks, I... Wait." He turns off the shower so he can give her a proper incredulous stare. "How did you...? I didn't even..."

The Commander laughs. "I'm magical like that. Come on, follow me."

After a quick, half-hearted drying session, she leads him into her bed. The dress and the uniform stay in the bathroom. At first they only look at each other for a while. "Thank you, Shepard." Joker gingerly kisses her on the cheek. "I appreciate it." Now that he's talked about it a little, been able to act out his frustrations, he has this warm feeling in his gut.

"It's bad form to thank a woman for sleeping with you," Shepard giggles. "And I should thank _you_, because, woo boy..."

"No, I mean, thanks for saving my life." He pulls her warm body close to his. "It was hell without you, but I think I'll be okay now. And you're valuable to me too," he adds awkwardly. "I just didn't know until-..."

She shuts him up with a long, passionate kiss. "Enough with this sentimental crap." Before Joker fully realizes what's going on, he is on his back with Shepard straddled across his hips. "Ready for round two?"

Quietly smiling, he looks up at the woman who is in full control of him. How could he ever say no to anything she wants?


End file.
